请英语高手为我女儿指点一下她的自我介绍
Hello,everyone.I'm Lucy,I'm a girl,I'm six years old,I'm a student.I have a happy family.There are three people in my family,my father,my mother and me.My father is a worker ,he is very strong;my mother is a teacher ,she is very clever;I'm their sweet heart.I like drawing and playing badminton.I believe "No pains ,no gains".I have a dream---I wish the world is peaceable
原文 Hello,everyone。I'm Lucy,I'm a girl,I'm six years old,I'm a student。I have a happy family。There are three people in my family,my father,my mother and me。
My father is a worker ,he is very strong;my mother is a teacher ,she is very clever;I'm their sweet heart。I like drawing and playing badminton。
I believe "No pains ,no gains"。I have a dream---I wish the world is peaceable 呵呵，首先，一个6岁的小朋友能这样写已经不错了，不用强求她用太深的词汇，但是如果文章出现太多的I'm就会显得冗繁，不如这样写 Hello, everyone。
I'm Lucy, and I'm six years old now。(这个student不知道她上学没有哦，因为把学生加在这里显得与前后文联系不紧密。) I have a happy family。 There are 3 people in my family, my father, mother and I(这里不需要用宾格)。
My father is a worker, he is very strong; and my mother is a teacher, she is very clever。 And I'm the sweet heart in their eyes。
(那样说有点别扭)。 Drawing pictures and playing badminton are my hobbies。(前后对应,句式也多样一些。) I believe "No pains, no gains。" I have a dream, that is(不知道她是要交给老师看，还是读给大家听，用that is更加地道一点。
)I wish the world will be peaceful。（额，peaceable好像不太对，而且是“希望”后面用将来时更好一点。）。
Hello,everyone。I'm Lucy,a six years old student。I have a happy family。There are three people in my family,my father,my mother and me。
My father is a strong worker;my mother is a clever teacher;I'm their sweet heart。I like drawing and playing badminton。I believe "No pains ,no gains"。
My dream is I wish the world is peaceful。 =========== 没有必要让一个6岁女孩写出很流畅，很美丽的自我介绍，只要她能够在一个正确的句子里面将内容表达完整就已经很好了，更不必说从句、语法等等。
我主要是将句子简化一下，我认为在小学生不考虑语法这个前提下，这样已经很足够了。当然我小学已经是很久以前了，不知道现在的小学会不会要求语法。
Hello,everyone。I'm Lucy,I'm six years old,I'm a pre-school/primary school student。I have a happy family。There are three people in my family,my father,my mother and me。
My father is a worker ,he is very strong;my mother is a teacher ,she is very clever;I'm their sweet heart。I like drawing and playing badminton。
I believe "No pains ,no gains"。I have a dream---I wish the world is peaceable 大体来说不错，我把I'm a girl去掉了，因为lucy是女生的名字。我还在student前面加了点内容，你选一个就好了。
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