[幽默]一只死于压力的龙虾 2003年8月6日14:51 作者: 亿笑 金羊网 A giant lobster, saved from the cooking pot by a fishmonger, has died of stress after being exhibited at an aquarium。
Lucky, estimated to be aged around 40, was caught off the Gower Peninsula coastline by a fisherman earlier this week。
He was put in the Silent Night Aquarium, in Tenby, instead of the cooking pot but was discovered dead in his new tank。 Crowds had gathered at Swansea Market, in south Wales, when Lucky the lobster, who was two feet long and weighed in at 7lbs, appeared on a fish stall。
But fishmonger Christopher Thomas, 20, was so taken with the colossal crustacean he refused to sell and had it transferred to an aquarium instead。
Aquarium assistant Mike Batt said: "I could see he was dead the moment he arrived because the water was murky。 "To be honest I did not hold out much hope it would survive because it appeared to be ill when it arrived。
"We pumped in oxygen to the area around its gills but I think the stress of the last few days was simply too much and it died。
" 一只年龄大约在40岁左右的大龙虾在英国高尔半岛海岸被一名渔夫捕获，幸运的是，它的新主人并没有把它直接放进蒸煮罐里享受美味，而是把它放在一个水桶里，并在几天后送往水族馆。可是，不幸的是，当这只两英尺长、7磅重的巨型龙虾刚刚被送到水族馆后，它就死了。
“老实说，我对它能活下去不抱任何希望，因为它看上去生病了。我们在它的腮部周围区域用压力泵为它输氧，但我想，它在前两天所受的压力实在是太大了，它支持不住，所以死了。”龙虾被捉后，许多人都前往鱼市场观看这只异物，可能正是因为没见过这么多人，龙虾一下子被吓着了。
卖扫帚的人和理发师 A man who sold brooms went into a barber's shop to get shaved。 The barber bought one of his brooms, and, when he had shaved him, asked for the price of it。
"Two pence,"said the man。 "No, no, "said the barber, "I will give you a penny, and if you do not think that enough, you may take your broom again。
" The man took it, and asked what he had to pay for his shave。 "A penny。"said the barber。 "I will give you a half-penny, and if that is not enough, you may put my beard on again。
" 卖扫帚的人和理发师 一个卖扫帚的人去一家理发店修面。理发师向他买了一把扫帚。当理发师给他修完面后,问了一下扫帚的价钱。 卖扫帚的人说:"两便士" "不,不"理发师说,"我只出一便士。如果你认为不够的话,可以把扫帚拿回去。
" 卖扫帚的人取回了扫帚,随后问修面要付多少钱。 卖扫帚的人说:"我只能给你半个便士,如果你认为不够的话,你可以把胡子再替我装上。" Second language A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush。
She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice。 Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified that it ran for it's life。
Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you understand the value of a second language?" 一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步，突然她看见一只猫正在灌木丛中虎视耽耽。
母老鼠向着猫叫道：“汪，汪，汪”，猫听了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。 母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说：“现在你知道外语的重要性了吧。” 反正我太太明天会来换的 My Wife Will Exchange Them Tomorrow。
A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves。 "Cloth of leather?" asked the salesperson。 "Makes no difference, "replied customer。
"What color?" asked the clerk。 "Any," he responded。 "Size?" "Give me whatever you prefer," the gentleman said, slightly exasperated。
"My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them。" 反正我太太明天会来换的。 一位先生走进一家商店要买付手套。 “您是要布的还是皮的？”售货员问。 “没什么区别。
”这位顾客回答。 “那您要什么颜色的呢？”售货员又问。 “什么颜色都成。”他回答。 “号码呢？” “您就随便给我拿一付吧，”这位顾客有点不耐烦了，“反正我太太明天都会来换的。” Good News and Bad News The soldiers had been marching and fighting, they were dirty, hot and tired。
One day, the general announced: "My men, I have some good news and some bad news for you。 Which one would you like first?" "The good news!" they all shouted。
"OK," said the General。 "The good news is that you will each be receiving a complete change of clothing。" "Hurrah!" chorused the soldiers。
"And now for the bad news。 Jack, you will change with John。 John, you will change with Tom。 Tom, you will change with Robert。
Robert 。。。。 好消息和坏消息 士兵们连续的行军，作战，他们又累又热又脏。一天，将军宣布： “士兵们，我有一些好消息和坏消息要告诉你们。你们愿意先听哪个呢？” “好消息！”他们嚷道。 “好吧，”将军说，“好消息就是你们每个人都可以彻底的换一身衣服。
” “乌拉！”士兵们高兴地大叫起来。 “现在呢，该是坏消息了。杰克，你将和约翰换衣服，约翰，你和汤姆换，汤姆，你和罗伯特换，罗伯特……” 最恶心的地毯 A Florida couple have been ordered to take up a carpet - from their front garden。
Steve and Mildred Nadwairski say they covered their lawn with carpet because they had had no luck with grass seed。 They could not afford to spend￡160 on turf so decided to put carpet on the lawn of their Port Richey Home。
Mr Nadwairski said he didn't think it was written anywhere that you couldn't have carpet on your front lawn。 But the couple fell foul of a byelaw forbidding the collection of "public nuisance items" such as junk cars and appliances。
A prosecutor argued that included old carpet and a court agreed。 Neighbours seemed pleased with the ruling。 One says the carpeting, which is wet all the time, looks "nasty。
" 佛罗里达州波特里奇市一对夫妇在他们屋前的花园铺上地毯，把草坪盖住，因为他们觉得草籽会坏了他们的好运气，同时，他们说付不起打理草坪所需的160英镑。 当地法院命令这对夫妇把地毯移走。男主人为此争辩道，没有条文明令禁止在自家草坪上铺地毯，而检举人称，那张地毯太破旧了，就像破车等破烂玩意儿，给公众造成了困扰，违反了“公共损害条例”。
邻居们对法院的判决都拍手称庆，说那张地毯整天都湿漉漉的，看起来“恶心死了”。 。
oh.
好难
找篇中文幽默演讲稿来翻译，行不？
我的经验还是什么都不拿比较好啊！ 尤其是“幽默”的演讲，最重要的就是“自然”！ 祝你好运！
我也NO英语啊。
有难度啊!
I don't know English. Sorry.
答：我的共享资料中有一篇，你有空可以去看看 是关于感恩节的不知道合适不？详情>>
答：太简单了。详情>>
